Think twice about coaching a family member or friend

Posted on: 17 Nov 2021

As coaches, many of us instinctively fall into the helping role without a second thought, and with that can also find ourselves in sticky situations after attempting to coach a family member or friend. Even as a seasoned coach, I need to consciously stop myself from offering to coach a loved one. Here are just 5 reasons why you might also think twice:

 

  1. Coaching loved ones usually brings up a variety of issues that not only affect our coaching performance, but also our relationships with our loved ones. These include conflicts of interest on your part, your client/loved one’s stretching of coaching boundaries and agreements, as well as personal issues on both sides which may impede the coaching process.
  2. Any google search will yield a multitude of articles explaining extra measures you need to put in place if you are going to take the risk of coaching a loved one. These include clarifying boundaries, roles and expectations, as well as a higher intensity of self-reflection and self-awareness to ensure you are not shying away from your responsibilities as a coach. This makes for extra effort on your part, and risks giving your loved one a less than positive coaching experience.
  3. Most coaching codes of ethics hint at the challenges of maintaining multiple relationships. It is not black and white and the shades of grey can be difficult to navigate, even for the most seasoned of coaches.
  4. While you may be able to put your personal relationship aside in order to coach effectively, your client/loved one may not. They may not engage in the deep reflection which is needed for the coaching process to unfold, or worse, they may interpret your questions and observations as accusations, manipulation or criticism.
  5. When coaching a loved one and you’re nearing the critical moment of a shift, your personal relationship may make things very uncomfortable, and you may not reach the shift at all or, if you do, you may not be able to sit with it long enough to ensure a lasting impact.

 

I confess that over the years, I’ve learnt the hard way and after making the mistake once, twice or even more times, most of us learn our lesson and eventually resist the temptation to coach our loved ones. Nevertheless, the urge to give the gift of coaching doesn’t really go away.

 

For this reason, ReciproCoach runs a gift coaching round twice a year and, as a participant in our upcoming   2021 Christmas Gift Coaching Round, you are entitled to give your assigned coach to a loved one. This could be your partner, brother, mother, best friend or anyone else with whom you already share a close relationship which would normally prevent you from coaching them effectively. Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, instead of coaching your loved one yourself, let another ReciproCoach coach them for you (and you’ll coach theirs in return) in our 2021 Christmas Gift Coaching Round.

 

(Registrations close Sunday, December 19)

 

Before you register, please make sure that your loved one actually wants to receive the coaching and understands that the round requires them to receive 4 x 60min sessions in return for you committing to giving 4 x 60min sessions to another ReciproCoach’s loved one. Please note this round is open to coaches with 100+ client coaching hours.

 

Spreading coaching that little bit further,

 

Kerryn Griffiths, PhD, PCC

Global ReciproCoach Coordinator