What are the ethical risks of coaching a loved one?
Posted on: 21 Nov 2019
Almost every coach, at some stage in their development, has made the mistake of trying to coach a loved one. Yet the ICF Code of Ethics details several standards of conduct which may be at risk when coaching loved ones. Here is an example of how one such ethical dilemma may pan out:
Your spouse is experiencing a lot of stress at work. You suggest you might be able to help by coaching him/her. S/he agrees, and you immediately launch into your first of several coaching sessions, skipping over your normal client intake process, which includes creating the agreement and clarifying roles and responsibilities.
ICF Standard #19: Have a clear coaching service agreement with my clients and sponsor(s) before beginning the coaching relationship and honor this agreement. The agreement shall include the roles, responsibilities and rights of all parties involved.
In your third session, your spouse realizes s/he may need to resign. As the session goes on, you have thoughts of the impact that his/her decision might have on you.
ICF Standard #8: Strive at all times to recognize my personal issues that may impair, conflict with or interfere with my coaching performance or my professional coaching relationships…
You know you need to disclose what you are noticing and the conflict you are experiencing, but you’re worried how this might affect your spouse’s decision. So you stay quiet with the hope that you can support your spouse to work out what’s right for him/her.
ICF Standard #13: Seek to be conscious of any conflict or potential conflict of interest, openly disclose any such conflict and offer to remove myself when a conflict arises.
You wake up the next morning, next to your spouse, and it’s the first thing on your mind…
ICF Standard #21: Avoid any sexual or romantic relationship with current clients or sponsor(s) or students, mentees or supervisees…
Although very tempting, most experienced coaches agree that it’s not worth the risk to attempt to coach a loved one. In fact, this is why, once or twice a year – particularly at traditional gift giving times like Christmas – ReciproCoach offers a gift coaching round.
As a participant in a gift coaching round, you are entitled to give your assigned coach to a loved one. This could be your partner, brother, mother, best friend or anyone else with whom you already share a close relationship that would normally prevent you from coaching them effectively. This allows you to give them coaching without the risk of ethical conflict.
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(Registrations close Sunday, December 15)
I have participated in numerous ReciproCoach gift coaching rounds over the years and they are certainly some of my favorite ReciproCoach experiences. I have coached sisters, partners and best friends of my coaching colleagues. In return, so far my partner, mother and brother have been coached. I find that in gift coaching rounds the gratitude is doubled – it rolls in from the coachee as well as their ‘sponsor’ loved one.
ReciproCoach gift rounds are also an opportunity to give more coaching, without needing to receive more sessions yourself. This is particularly good if you are already involved in a peer coaching round and don’t need another coach yourself.
If you’d like to join our 2019 Christmas Gift Coaching Round (even if you don’t celebrate Christmas), and share coaching with one of your loved ones, click here. Registration closes on Sunday December 15 so that you have all the information you need to be ready for Christmas and for your loved one to get started early in 2020.
Before you register, please make sure that your loved one is fully committed to receiving the coaching and understands that the round requires them to receive 4 x 45min sessions within a 3-month period. It helps if they also understand that you are giving 4 x 45min sessions to another ReciproCoach’s loved one in return.
Written by Kerryn Griffiths, PhD, PCC and Global ReciproCoach Coordinator